Stay with me
Author: Karen Jobim
Awareness: Sex/Romance – Based on 8x05 The Nose – last scene
Complete: [x ] Yes [ ] No
Disclaimer: After seen the episode, I got the need to write a bit more of a scene. Please, it’s not a fanfic to take sides. I just wanted to extend the last scene. But some flavor to it. If it was written like that, the others episodes could run as they will as well.
Author’s note: Sorry, it’s not so angst, it was just a trial for me. Yes, it’s in English (sorry again). It’s really short too. I’m not making Castle a puppy, I’m maintaining the series Idea (damn writers!)
Stay with me
Kate was about to face a very difficult moment in her life. After work, she told Castle she’d come over to the loft to pick up the rest of her things. It was so strange just look at him and say the words. It felt like they were different people, except they weren’t at all. In a way, they’re still the same, the writer and his muse or as you prefer the cop and her partner in crime.
Kate’s worst fear was to have a change on bumping into him when coming back there. All the things in that place reminded her of the good times they shared together. It has so much history, so many powerful moments.
She doesn’t want to regret her decision if she could guarantee he will be safe. As painful and hard as it is, she can take everything as long as he was alive and well.
There she was standing at the door. Her hands touching the wood while she tried to gain courage to enter in the place she calls home. Although they are separated, the loft will always be their home, their favorite place where everything began in the minute she knocked on that same door years ago, so wet by the rain, still fearing for her life but with only one thought in her mind: Castle.
Kate took a deep breath before inserting the key into the locker. She closed her eyes for three seconds and entered in the living room. Everything looked exactly the same except for the mess of carton boxes on the kitchen counter. Curious, she opened up the fridge only to find out what she already suspected. Lots of Chinese takeover, rests of pizza and Le Cirque delivery packages. He was not eating properly.
Moving on to the bedroom, she took a moment to contemplate the place where all the love happens. She saw some pieces of clothes lying around the bed and some on the chair. Fighting the urge to get them, Kate chose to focus on getting her things done. She came here for a reason. She walked until the closet and opened the drawers. With quick moves, she emptied all the space where her clothes used to be. It took her approximately half an hour to collect everything. There wasn’t much since the last visit.
Sitting on the bed, she crossed her arms over her chest trying to fight the tears that were asking permission to escape her eyes. She was alone there, she didn’t need to maintain the perfect mask of “ I’m fine” face. She exhaled deep and cried for several minutes. Unable to resist, she laid on the bed. She never knew how long she stayed there. It was the fear of getting caught that made her get up.
She checked the place once again to see if she didn’t forget anything. Instinctively, she touches her ring on her left hand. She clears one last tear from her face and then she did what she really wanted ever since she got in that bedroom. She took his coat in her hands and brought to her face smelling the fabric. It smelled like him. The mix of expensive aftershave, perfume and sweat. Castle’s smell.
She swallowed hard but she couldn’t stop the tears from falling down.
God! She missed him so badly!
She loves him with all her heart, soul and strength. Every day she thinks about the decision she made and keep telling herself that it was the right thing to do. But sometimes, all she wants is to give up the quest and come back straight to the warmth of his embrace. No, she just cant do it. In her complicated mind, she’s doing it to save him and also herself.
She knows it’s painful for both of them, however every love story needs sacrifice. She’s willing to do that. Castle already did so much for her, with her mother’s murder, bombs and risky situations. Now, it’s her turn to protect him.
She folded the clothes into the bed and she took another look around to keep a fresh image in her head. The small suitcase with her stuff was in her hand. She turned around and walked away.
One hour later, Castle walks into the loft in a hurry. He hopes she stills there. He desperately wants to talk to her. Being there, in their common ground could be easier to star a conversation and to try to convince her to stay.
There wasn’t no point or reason as difficult as it seems for them to be separated. This is not how a marriage is supposed to work. Regardless if it was his fault or not, they need to be together.That’s the only way they are great.
Every five minutes he got working with her makes him feel alive again. They click and all criming solving feels like a walk in the park to them.
He searches for her in the living room, kitchen, bedroom. She’s not there. Castle sees a t-shirt lying there. A NYPD t-shirt. Hers.In an impulse, he grabs the piece and smells it. It has her scent, cherries and vanilla. He knows it’s an old shirt because of the stain of bourbon. Kate had told him about her crazy, desperate momentum when she had one of her PTSD crisis.
How could they end up hurting each other? Why punish themselves?
Castle realized he probably won’t get the chance he was hoping for. She’s gone. This time for good. He sat on the bed, the shirt still in his hand. He closes his eyes for a moment. He wants to touch her, kiss her. He wanted so many things but the most important was to have her back.
A noise got his attention. He leaves the bedroom. The sound came from his studies. Maybe it’s Alexis or…. His heart skips a beat after seen who was sitting on the floor. In her hands, a photography from their wedding day. When their eyes met, Castle could see the sadness in that hazel eyes.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I got caught up in the moment” – she got up. She doesn’t want to face him but his blue eyes are like magnets attracting hers – “I’ll be gone before you notice” – she turns her back against him but Castle catches her hand.
“Not so fast. You don’t need to hurry. Take your time”
“I’ve finished, I just…” – she bits her lips – “I don’t know what happened, I couldn’t leave just yet. Sorry, it won’t happen again”.
“Kate, it’s ok. It’s your home too.”
For seconds that seems like forever, she stood there almost if deciding between memorize his face and leave or simply stay still. Her heart was pounding at her chest. She wanted to touch him, it was an urgent need to feel him. Unable to contain herself, she leans into him holding tight against her own body. Castle accepts the gesture holding her in return. He won’t be the one denying the need. Kate inhales his shirt. Facing him again, she touches his face with the tip of her fingers. And then she leans to kiss him on the lips.
It was a gentle touch at first, but the absent made her looking for more. The kiss grows and became passionate. Her tongue seeking his making small sounds until the moment she broke it off. There was desire in his eyes which made Kate realizes it wasn’t the right approach. She couldn’t do this to them. It wasn’t fair.
“Sorry. I overstepped. I was supposed to be fast, grab my things and leave but this place, it has an effect in me I didn’t predict.”
“You don’t have to leave, Kate. You’re very much welcoming in our home. In fact, I was hoping you still be here. We need to talk. We’re living an unbearable situation. Punishing each other for no reason. I love you, I believe you love me as well so let’s do this together, let’s figure it out whatever is the problem that made you go away. Don’t turn your back on me. ”
“Castle, I’m not turning my back to you. I’m protecting you.”
“By hiding what’s going on? What about you? Are you at any danger? Are you under a death threat, Kate? Please, tell me.”
“I’m not going to die. I don’t intend to. Just trust me, ok? I told you it’s complicated.”
“No, you want to complicate. It’s actually very easy. We just have to talk to each other. Tell me what’s bothering you, I can help. I always do.”
“Castle, please… the reason why I didn’t want to come here it was exactly that. I knew you would try to persuade me. I also knew this could happen, me, you, losing control. Do you have any idea of how much I miss you? But we simply can’t be together now.”
“Give me a reason. I don’t know what you are doing, pursuing,at least have the courtesy of tell me so I can rely on your promise to come back when you can. I miss you, having you around, working with you. I miss bring you coffee every morning. Tell me, please honey.”
“I can’t. Sorry. Oh, Cas…I’m so sorry” – he could see the sorrow in her eyes. Why they want that tension between them? He saw her taking two steps back getting far from him. She was afraid, she wants to be there, probably she wants to make love with him, but she was fighting it. Maybe if he pushes her a bit…
“Can’t you see what’s happening? Did you look at yourself in the mirror? You’re sad, Kate. In fact, you are miserable, we both are. Being apart is making us bitter, angry and I got add horny. Why do you think you jumped on me at the last minute? Don’t be stubborn now. Give in to your feelings, hear your heart.”
“Damn it! This was something I was afraid of. I knew you’d try to convince me to forget everything but I can’t. I won’t tell you what’s going on for your own sake. But this is so you. Why you gotta to be so wonderful, with your perfect words, your lovely eyes, I can’t resist not wanting you. God knows I tried but being this close to you it’s like a drug. One kiss and I’m done. I want you so badly… so much… I just want you.”
He didn’t need to hear anything more. He pulls her close to his body and he kisses her lips, nice and gently at first. Then, he throws her tiny body in the bed. Everything happened too quickly. Within minutes, they are in their underwear. Castle pressed his body against Kate’s figure using his hands to caress every piece of skin he could touch. He got rid of her bra and he started tasting her breasts. With his lips, he tasted each nipple longing there enough to hear her moans claiming for more. He pinches it just to provoke her.
Kate caught his attention scratching his back. She draws her mouth into his letting her tongue to magical movements making the kiss even sexier. She could feel his erection pressing against her thigh. Suddenly, she realizes she needs him inside of her right now.
“Cas…please, make me feel loved again....I need you inside me now.”
“Not too fast, Katie”
He continues arousing every single piece of her body. He licked every inch of skin traveling through her curves. Breasts, stomach, navel. Carefully touching, teasing. He took her panties off and he takes pleasure to a whole new level using his tongue in her vagina. Kate felt her body start trembling below him. The desire was consuming her completely. She couldn’t fight the wave of pleasure that was surrounding her. Instead, she gave in, letting the orgasm dominate every fiber of her being.
Castle only smiled after seen her so vulnerable, so helpless in his arms. Feeling powerful, he decides to give what she was eager to receive. He lets himself invade her, with every single movement he became aware of how much she needed this to happen. Now when he thrust, when she cried out, it was only pleasure. She dragged him with her from intensive movements and into the peace and quietness.
She lay there. Just resting. Her heart pounding on her chest.Castle lay beside her, also not ready to make a move. He was breathing hard. He doesn’t want this moment to end but he feared that’s exactly what was coming next. He knew Kate Beckett well enough to predict it. Silence was broken at last.
“Why do you do this? You want to get me needy and confused so it becomes more difficult to go apart. I missed the love making, the caring moves, I missed you but we can’t do it again. It was a one-time thing. It won’t repeat itself.”
“Are you listening to what you’re saying? You want to make love, you want to be close to me but you say you can’t.”
Kate was already starting to dress up again. In two minutes, she was completely ready to go away.
“Castle, I already overstepped. I shouldn’t have got into bed with you. It’s worthy, believe me. But there’s a lot at stack here, so don’t push me”
“Kate, I love you. And however many mistakes either of us makes, I believe we’ll do our best to tend it right. Whatever happens.”
“I know you do. And I believe I’m doing the best I can to keep you away. I’m managing the risk because I don’t want to lose you. I have to go.”
“Don’t. At least for this night, please don’t.”
“Oh, God! Castle… don’t make me feel guilty.”
“Just one night. I promise you. Stay with me.” – she could see the anxious look in his face, it certainly made the moment even more bittersweet. She knew she had all the strength and reasons to say no, and she could have done it. But after looking at his pleading blue eyes, she was through. She was beaten and all Kate could think about was to give in to the voice coming straight from her heart.
“Just tonight. Tomorrow I’ll be gone. Don’t even think otherwise. This battle I’m into isn’t over yet. ”
“One night and a new hope in the morning.”
“No hope or I’ll be leave right now.”
“Ok, a cup of coffee then?”
“A cup will be fine.”
Taking her hands in his, Castle leads her to bed. For one more time, they made love with all the passion they feel for each other. This time it was a bit more rough. Teeth, bites, urgent hands and an impressive orgasm making their bodies restless for a while. Then she leaned next to him, Castle took her in his embrace cuddling the beautiful and confused woman he chose to be his wife.
Early in the morning, Castle was the first one to wake up. Heading to the kitchen, he prepared the coffee just the way she liked it. He also knew Kate means real when she said she would be leaving today. He doesn’t want to think about it right now. He was back into their room. He puts the tray in the nightstand and sat just beside her. Kate was still sleeping. Castle caresses her hair. His thumb on her cheek. He can see the smile on her face. Kate opens her eyes.
“Morning” – he gives her the coffee mug. The heart drawn in its surface. She sighs and smells the beverage. Not wanting to wait, she took a long sip. Perfect.
“You know you make the best vanilla latte, right? I need to go. I have to be at the precinct by eight o’ clock” – she drinks more from the cup and she went to the bathroom. Ten minutes later, she emerges all dressed up. Ready to work. Castle was taking his time to look at her. To record that beautiful image of a well rested Kate Beckett after a lovely and satisfying night beside her husband.
“I won’t try anything. I made a promise. Although it’s a wrong and bittersweet moment, a kind of second goodbye, I choose to trust you once again, Kate. Because I love you. Always.”
“I love you too. And I also promise, I’ll do everything in my power to fix it as soon as possible so we can be together again. Don’t be a stranger, as a PI we still can work together.”
“I know you need my intelligence and expertise to solve cases. You’ve always have.” – she smiles – “Can I ask you just one thing? If you ever feel that your life is at stake, if you receive any threats, would you tell me?”
“Ok, I’ll tell you. But I’m not planning on dying, Castle. I’ll get back to you.”
He watches her walking to the door. She turns around one more time to face him. Kate was fully aware of the damage she was causing their relationship, she understood how much was at stake here, but her sense of justice and her obsession tell her she must finish this case. She needs him to be safe and sound so they could be Mr. and Mrs. Castle again.
Czastle smiles back at her. He could see the tears escaping her eyes. It wasn’t easy for any of them. That single night give him hope. She can’t stand be apart from him for long. The love is there, the desire and the trust too. It was a matter of time.